Conviction

放置される (houchi sareru) - To be put on hold or left alone

Yesterday marked exactly one month since I last heard from Google, when they asked for my interview availability.

Google is my dream job. It's where I told people I wanted to end up back when I was still applying to schools. It's the company that, above all others, I want to end up at. Being stuck not knowing where I stand is difficult, but I will wait as long as necessary.

Back when I was in middle school, I was a huuuge geek. One of the nerdiest things I did was play the card game Magic: The Gathering, and I was really good at it. So good, in fact, that I qualified for the Junior National Championship tournament when I was in 7th grade (yes, there is a Magic National Championship. We can't all be cool kids).

I won that place playing with a strategy that was simple, ruthless, and effective; one that I had fine tuned and modified tirelessly throughout the qualifying process. There was nothing fancy about it, but it worked incredibly well. Come time for the big tournament, however, I felt like I needed a style that was more sophisticated. Somehow I came to the conclusion that what I had being doing wasn't good enough and that the occasion called for something more. So I changed my entire game plan for the finals to a much more complex approach. In the end, the new strategy worked out just ok, but I knew deep down that my original style would have done better.

It was a choice we often face in life: stick with your convictions, or do what you think others expect of you and hold more highly. In my experience, compromising to meet the values and expectations of others is rarely the best choice.

Truthfully, Google is a tough job to land and there is every possibility that it doesn't work out. I'm looking around for backup plans, but I'm being very picky about it. Some would say beggars can't be choosers, but I refuse to accept that mindset.

There are a lot of tech companies out there hiring, many of which are very prestigious places in the tech world, but aren't really of interest to me deep down. Likewise, there are plenty of positions available at great companies, but not necessarily for the roles that I want. As difficult as it is to still not have a summer internship lined up, I am committed to standing my ground as long as possible. This summer is a chance for me to try something new and see if  it is the right career for me. Taking a job just for the sake of having an internship defeats the whole point of that.

I remain hopeful that Google will still give me a shot. And while I can't count on a positive outcome from them, I refuse to go after stop-gap positions that are a Plan B at best. If I can stay strong and hang in there long enough, I am sure the right opportunity for me will turn up eventually.