Sunday, February 17, 2013


気付く (kizuku) - To notice

I have an eating problem.

The truth is, I don't need to eat very much to get by. Most days I just eat a very small breakfast and a relatively light dinner. I've been skipping lunch ever since moving back from Japan to this world of enormous servings. Some days I don't eat anything until 8 or 9pm, if at all - it's easy for me to just forget meals. This isn't an eating disorder - I don't eat this little because I think I'm fat (though I do love being skinny) - it's just that this is the amount of food my body craves on its own.

The reason I'm writing about this is that my lifestyle has become unsustainable. Over the past six months or so, I've honestly felt like I've been getting dumber. I wasn't as sharp, it took longer for concepts to stick, and it felt like my brain just seemed to work slower than usual. At first I simply wrote it off as not being used to being back in school again but, rather than improve, it got worse with time. It wasn't terrible during the fall term, but I finally hit a breaking point this semester.

On top of feeling mentally dull, I started to find myself often just generally lacking energy. There were even a few days where I would get really lightheaded later in the day. In hindsight, that shouldn't have been a surprise. I've been going to the gym three or four times a week recently and, according to my wonderful Jawbone Up, burning something close to 2,500-3,000 calories a day on average. In contrast, my normal diet is probably closer to 1,500 calories a day tops, so you can see how there would be problems.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been trying to up my food intake in a reasonable way. Lots of fruits and vegetables, bigger breakfasts, snacking on almonds, walnuts and baby carrots in the afternoon, making sure to always have rice with dinner. So far I've been feeling better, but it's not easy. Even today, I've nibbled on food all day without ever eating a proper meal. I think at this point it's just a matter of keeping it front of mind and working to turni it into a habit, so all I can do is stick with it and hope for the best. Hopefully I can get myself up and running properly and bring back my A game again!

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